You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
