you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
