They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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