you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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