Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
