I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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