she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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