When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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