She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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