I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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