I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
