Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
