in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
