Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
