All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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