you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
