have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
