my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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