Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
