fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have fence marks all over my body
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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