Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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