I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
