I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need moral support for this bender
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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