; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
