I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
