Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
