How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
