What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
