Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
