His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
