Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
