Yo dont text me then not text me
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Randomize
