So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
