So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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