so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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