would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
