Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
