Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
