ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
