i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
