kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
