Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
