Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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