Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
