So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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