You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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