Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
