An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
