Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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