Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
