i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
